After Governor Pat Quinn stated that the budget “had no hole in it” the campaign of Republican Bill Brady has now released a statement claiming that Quinn is using “Razzle Dazzle.” Many Illinois voters expressed shock that the term “razzle dazzle” was actually written down by someone. Winnetka resident, Rebecca Wrightman, says, “I haven’t heard anyone use that term since my mom was watching Walter play with the 1985 Bears…She was born in 1927.”
Though we have yet to see what specifically will be cut from the budget to bridge the gaping hole, the Brady Campaign is ready with an answer. Brady says, “I expect to take full advantage of antiquated terms during the course of this election process. ‘Razzle Dazzle’ is merely the beginning, but I feel confident that I will be able to call a couch a ‘davenport’ in the next news release.”
Brady says he couldn’t come up with words like this on his own, and credits his support staff of Phillis Schlafly’s crazy old lady friends to help lend a hand with media and message. Euinice Nelson, 82, says she is just happy to help out such a nice young man. “Pat Quinn must be some kind of flim flam man if he thinks he can call this budget balanced. Honest to Pete, I haven’t seen such a bad governor since Hector was a pup.” A Werther’s Original clacked against her dentures and she continued, “There are more ways to kill a cat than choking it with cream. You look like my nephew!”
In another unexpected turn, Brady also hopes to use the word Blagojevich another 800 times when talking about anything his democratic opponent does. More on this as details come in.