Republican U.S. Senate Candidate Mark Kirk Combats “The Nothing” With More Imagination


FANTASIA–The fight to combat The Nothing seems to have concluded in victory for all the creatures of Fantasia.  Thanks to Congressman Mark Kirk’s constant side-stepping, blame, and misremembering things wrong, Kirk has totally eliminated any ominous clouds that could have formed in Fantasia because of a lack of creativity from Earth’s children.

The Republican US Senate Candidate from Illinois says he feels confident about adding this win to his long list of war-time accomplishments.  “This is probably the second hardest victory I have had in my military career.  When I was doing Psych-Ops for Cimmeria I had to do a lot of quick thinking so our commander, Conan, could be heard over the lamentations of the women…but like I said, this is a close second.”  Moreover this has diversified his base into the realm of imaginative creatures.

Empress Moonchild who oversees Fantasia is grateful for the efforts.  “Exaggerating his war record was one thing, but when he had the hubris to blame the people for misunderstanding something he mislead people about, we knew the impact of The Nothing would be marginalized.  Thank you Mark Kirk.”  Engywook and Urgl who live close to The Southern Oracle said things have been bad before but now, Engywook says, quality of life has improved for he and his wife.  “I had a potion ready that would have done us both quickly if The Nothing were to hit here, now, ‘The Emergency Solution’ is in a dust-covered vile somewhere in the back of my garage.”

Rodney “Rock Biter” Hammerstein said, “That campaign… used to be such… a strong…campaign.”  

But not all of Fantasia is happy, local talking wolf Gmork says, “Now that The Nothing is gone, I need to start looking for work, I’m out of a job, man.  In this economy…F*CK!  Thanks Mark Kirk. For Nothing…wait…Thanks for no Nothing.  Gaaah!”

Bastian Balthazar Bux, Ambassador for Earth and Fantasia said, “It’s like The Nothing never happened…or ever will again.”

Rich Miller has a good look at the destruction of The Nothing, thanks to Mark Kirk here.

ArchPundit wants to bring back The Nothing with his “honest solution.”

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