Kevin Costner Oil Clean Up Device Shows Promise, Flavor Flav Solar Panels…Not So Much

Costner tests his device on the oil that came off of his body as he went for a dip in his pool

Scientists at British Petroleum, and fans of the movie The Untouchables were astounded to learn that one of the most mediocre A-list actors in Hollywood has unveiled a device that actually works on oil spills. “I think I speak on behalf of my colleagues when I say, ‘What the hell is our world coming to? Are things so effed up that nobody else can solve major environmental disasters so we have to rely on 90’s movie stars?'” Dave Hofsteader, an unemployed fan of The Untouchables exclaimed in rebuttal, “yeah, well you’re not from Chicago!”

Kostner said of his device, “he pulls a knife, you pull a gun, he sends one of yours to the hospital, you send one of his to the morgue, he irresponsibly spills nearly 40 million barrels of oil into the Gulf of Mexico creating the worst environmental disaster in history, you invent a device that can clean up that oil since it is clear that Tin Cup with the infectiously kind Rene Russo did nothing for your career…That’s the Costner way.”

In other celebrity science news Flavor Flav’s solar cell technology still hasn’t made any progress. When asked about their lack of progress despite government funding, a scientist at Flav’s laboratory chuckled and said, “Wowwwwwwwwww.”

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1 Comment

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One response to “Kevin Costner Oil Clean Up Device Shows Promise, Flavor Flav Solar Panels…Not So Much

  1. Ed Fliege

    When are you going to write about celebrities we care about like Lindsay Lohan? Nobody cares about old dudes (and I should know).

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