Higher Education Says 11 + 1 = 10…America Is Doomed


Big 10 Commissioner James Delany counts 12 fingers

The addition of Nebraska to the NCAA’s Big 10, now means there are 12 total schools in the midwestern collegiate conference. When asked if there could be a name change calling it “The Big 12” league officials scoffed at the idea. Big 10 Commissioner James Delany says, “First of all, The Big 12 already exists and they actually have 12 teams so they are actually a lot more twelvy than the big 10 which also has 12 teams now. Before they had eleven, but we can’t deny the importance of being a big 10 team.”

Delany says he is thrilled to have Nebraska on board in the Big 10. “With 11 teams in the big 10, some tournaments just weren’t possible, but now that The Big 10 has 12 teams we can just start making shit up with new numbers.” Delany is now paid over $8 Billion every year, a salary increase of $7.8 Billion. “As someone who has dedicated nearly 900 years to higher education, I can proudly say we have done a great service to 112% of the population by accepting a 12th team in The Big 10.”

Delany told reporters, “After redoubling our efforts, giving 110%, and declaring that pluto is not a planet, we have learned that in higher education we really can do anything…just look at Chief Illiniwek. We let boy scouts and racists invent an entire new culture around the ‘Illini Tribe.’ Now if you will excuse me, I must go eat my 4th meal at T-Bell. WHUT WHUT!”

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